When A Little Kindness Goes A Long Way

Tuesday 4 July 2017

“Sometimes, reaching out and taking someone's hand is the beginning of a journey”. - Vera Nazarian

I had concerns on my mind and in my heart as I walked through Carlow in the beautiful sunshine last week.  I felt sad and stressed by life and as my lip trembled in the sun I wondered how many others were carrying something - some worry or anxiety, big or small, real or imagined. I wondered how many smiles were hiding sleepless nights, how many pairs of sunglasses were hiding the tracks of tears. 

and I thought how little it costs to be kind.  What a very small, simple effort it takes to extend a hand of friendship, to be genuine in asking someone how they are, how a very small gesture could be monumental to another person. How kindness could be the difference between crisis and calm, hurt and happiness, and for some between life and death.

The line we walk is incredibly fragile at times. We are fragmented – physical distance often separates us from the ties of close family and friends.  We are busy, concerned with our own lives, juggling work commitments with family life, and if we are lucky hobbies and interests. Our society is fuelled by stress, fuelled by being switched on all the time, of poor nutrition and an even poorer focus on caring for ourselves.  And when we don’t look up, take a step back, we risk missing seeing those in need and more importantly we risk missing ourselves, and ultimately that’s all we have.

Our record in this country in the mental health arena is pretty abysmal. We have a legacy of stigma and silence around depression, around saying we are not ok.  I’ll be the first to admit that to my shame, I saw mental anguish as a sign of weakness.  Partly because I didn’t understand it.  Now that I do, now that I’ve experienced it to varying levels, I realise just how much strength and courage it takes to stand up and say, “I’m not ok, can someone please help me”. It takes huge bravery to expose our vulnerabilities and to trust that we will be kept safe in that exposure.  It takes tremendous courage to admit that your own thoughts and feelings terrify you.  And expressing those thoughts is the furthest thing imaginable from weakness. 

Thankfully due to the trojan work of organisations like Pieta House, The Samaritans and countless other organisations like them, people are having conversations. Sports stars and public figures are speaking about their difficulties, telling their stories with bravery. Locally we have the Carlow Mental Health Association, who’s presence is highly visible and vital.  Volunteers and professional therapists alike are working tirelessly to ease people’s suffering, to save people’s lives.  To get the message out that it’s OK not to feel OK.  It truly is and as I strolled in the sun, with a heavy heart, I hoped someone would see my hurt, put a hand on my shoulder and say Ethna, it’s OK. And I promised myself that I will do that happily and with kindness whenever I can. Because it costs nothing at all.